The Joke circle

After God created Adam he noticed that Adam looked very lonely. He decided to help. He said, \\"Adam, I\'ve decided to make you a woman. She\'ll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you.\\" Adam said, \\"Great! How much will she cost me?\\" The answer came back, \\"An arm and a leg.\\" \\"Well,\\" said Adam, \\"what can I get for a rib?\\"

OK, So I\'m addicted to schoolhouse rock... but this is the fourth of July, so: [url=http://youtube.com/watch?v=7VQA5NDNkUM&feature=related]The Shot Heard Round the World [/url]

A sandwich walks into a bar, and the bartender says \\"Sorry, we don\'t serve food here\\".

What\'s gray on the bottom and white on the top and very warm in the summer? A wolf in sheep\'s clothing.

A man walks into a bar... the rest is history =D

When my parents owned a hotel on a remote Scottish island, my sister was once living in a flat in the hotel. She had then a young boy, aged at this time about 4. When he could he would try to escape from the flat, and run into the main lobby and lounge area of the hotel. Soon the staff would ask him if he had escaped from the flat, to which he would enthusiastically reply, \\"YES!!!\\" However, he soon cottoned on to the fact that if he said yes then he would be promptly taken back to the flat, to an annoyed mother! So once, when my father saw him, he asked him if he had escaped. With a guilty voice he slowly said, \\"nooooo\\". So my father than asked, \\"Where\'s mummy?\\" To which he quickly replied, \\"Looking for me!\\" True!! I thought this would put a smile on your faces! Richard

This may be way off from the original, but here goes. A Minister decided that he would try to paint the church house as cheaply as possible in order to save money. Instead of using the paint from the cans full strength, he watered them down quite a bit. After spending many hours painting, a rain storm came and poured and poured rain. After the weather cleared, the ministered noticed that most of the paint job had washed away. Being very upset and trying to figure out what to do, he suddenly heard a loud voice from the heavens state, \\"Repaint and Thin no more\\"

Two bears walk into a grocery store. One bear says to the other \\"My it\'s quite in here today.\\"

Dunno if this fits here but I guess its OK for some lighthearted stuff....quotes, basically and I\'ve no idea to whose credit..... If you want your spouse to listen and pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. There are 3 ways to get something done: 1.Do it yourself 2.Hire someone to do it for you. 3.Forbid your kids to do it. What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away. Health freaks are going to feel real stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing. Happiness, n: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody\'s there to appreciate it. If truth is the most valuable possession we have, should we economize on it? The man who smiles when something goes wrong has thought of someone to put the blame on In Africa, some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine-chilling cries. Anthropologist call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America, we call it Golf.

ROFL - That\'s hilarious!!

ROFL - That\'s hilarious!!

A man was hiking in the woods when a bear charged him. The man ran as fast as he could, but tripped and fell. As the bear reached him, the man prayed \\"Lord, let this bear be a christian bear!\\" The bear did not attack. Surprised the man looked up to see the bear fold his paws and say \\"Lord, thank you for this food from which I am about to receive.\\" -------- Two muffins were in an oven, baking. One muffin said to the other one, \\"man, it\'s hot in here!\\" The other muffin said.... \\"AHH! A talking muffin!\\" -------- A horse walked into a bar. The bartender said, \\"hey buddy, why the long face?\\" HAHAHAHAHAHA! ------ Two guys walked into a bar. Ouch, ouch!

Here are a few that I picked up recently... To atoms are on their way to lunch. One says, \\"I think I\'ve lost an electron!\\" to which the other asked, \\"Are you sure?\\" The first replied, \\"Why, yes! I\'m positive!\\" I was in physics when my teacher told my that photons have mass. Photons? Mass? I didn\'t even know they were Catholic. In New Mexico, the only plant that never gets to relax is the Russian Thistle.

Someone told me this the other day: A patient was telling a doctor, \\"I swallowed a bone.\\" The doctor inquired, \\"Are you choking?\\" The patient replied, \\"No, I really did!\\"

The Pope met with his Cardinals : To discuss : a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. \\"Your Holiness\\", said one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths.\\" The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. \\"Don\'t we have a Cardinal to represent me?\\" he asked. \\"None that plays very well,\\" a Cardinal replied. \\"But,\\" he added, \\"there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we\'ll also win the match.\\" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. \\"I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness, \\" said the golfer. \\"Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus,\\" said the Pope. \\"Well, your Holiness, I don\'t like to brag, but even though I\'ve played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must\'ve been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous. \\"There\'s bad news?\\", the Pope asked. \\"Yes,\\" Nicklaus sighed. \\"I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by three strokes.\\"