For many people, forgiveness is difficult. A person wrongs you, and you cannot bring yourself to pardon that person. You continue to feel resentment towards the person. The very presence of the person disgusts you, and you may be inclined in your heart to seek vengeance for the wrong the person committed against you. Today during his homily, father spoke about two monks who once were friends but who, because of one small incident, suddenly became resentful and unforgiving of one another. Even the monks fall prey to unforgiving attitudes. None of us is exempt from this tendency.
I know that we are supposed to forgive a person always and unconditionally, no matter how many times that person has sinned against us. What I wonder is if there exists a distinction between forgiveness and forgetting the pain that someone has caused you.
As an example from my own life: this past year I spent the year teaching. Many of the students were extremely unruly and disrespectful towards me. Several parents as well didn\'t treat me the best. A lot of what I felt were offenses were probably not intentional against me, but still, by the end of each day, I brimmed with inner anger that had developed throughout the day.
Right now (and not to speak with presumption) I feel that I can forgive the students, the parents and others, and I believe I have to a certain degree in my heart, but I still cannot forget the pain of certain experiences.
I find this particular example to be the general case with many friends and family in my life. I don\'t find it difficult to forgive someone (at least mentally in my mind). At present, I don\'t feel unreconciled with anyone whom I feel has wronged me in the past. However, I still bear along with me the pain that came through other persons\' actions. Whenever a memory brings up this pain, I sometimes catch myself imagining scenarios by which I subtly \\"get back\\" at a person. I quickly check these pre-meditations, and focus my mind on something else, or pray, or both. For me at least, it is easy to forgive someone upfront, but difficult to follow through with this forgiveness continually when the memory of that pain does not go away.
I think of Christian sufferers of abuse. On a regular basis, they are wronged, are hurt in such a way that their minds are affected. They may be able to say \\"I forgive you,\\" but that pain only builds up as the abuser commits the same offense again and again. Even more so, I often wonder how rape victims are able to forgive. With the help of God, they can bring themselves to forgiving the rapist, but the psychological pain of being violated --I can\'t imagine the Lord expecting a person to forget that experience in order to fully forgive.
Sadly, even in Orthodoxy, I notice an attitude that is unwilling to reconcile with groups (Latins, Turks, Poles, etc.) that have inflicted great sufferings on Orthodox people. Individuals may be forgiven, but as to the larger group, it cannot be forgiven for its collective actions, nor can the harms it commits ever be forgotten.
Please feel free to comment. I\'m open to constructive criticism as well.
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