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Hey jonan74, you\'re not alone. But unfortunately if I told you my kid stories, I\'d probably find my car keys frozen in a solid block of ice in the freezer.
oh wait. I better not give anyone ideas... shhhhh.
My sons are now 32 and 27, but I still remember some of their antics VERY vividly.
At lest it was one of Nicholas\'s friends and not Nicholas himself who brought the whoopee cushion to the panikhida. I don\'t think have ever seen a more embarrassed mother... I don\'t think she\'s on Orthodox Circle, or I would be afraid to bring it up.
During Liturgy this week, Father Deacon was walking the periphery censing the icons and congregation when his left foot caught in the loop of a handbag. As he kept walking the bag was in tow behind him a few strides until he realized what was happening and kicked it off his foot. Father Priest was walking behind him possibly wondering how to remedy the situation. In the moment of reverence, it was difficult to hold back quiet giggling by those who witnessed the event. Thankfully he did not trip and fall.
Although this happened in the Protestant church I was raised in, I have 2 funny ones:
1. When I was a teenager, there was an elderly man who always sat in the front pew. He\'d been suffering from dementia and probably didn\'t know what he was doing, but he passed gas right when everyone had just stood up for the Gospel reading. It lasted a good 10 seconds and there was this shocked silence. Poor guy and his poor wife!
2. Once during a funeral service the cross at the top of the church picked up the CB transmission from a trucker passing on the highway outside. \\"Breaker, breaker good buddy\\" is not what you expect to hear at a funeral service!
This happened to me about 2 months ago. I have a really bad knee, and I often limp because of it. One morning one my priest\'s kids woke up with a severe pain in his leg, and he was unable to walk or stand on it. He is 5 years old. Before service had started I was talking to someone that he was sitting next to. He looked up at me with this sad look on his face and said, \\"I think I\'m becoming like you.\\" I laughed so hard.
1. We are such a small parish that the whole congregation can share the kiss of peace without much interruption to the service. At one Nativity Liturgy a few years ago I started to greet somebody with \\"Christ is born!\\" When we realized that we had already greeted each other a few minutes before. Giving him a second hug I said, \\"Oh well, Christ is still born.\\" Oops.
2. Our current priest does a few things differently from our former priest. One of those is knocking on the doors of the church with the staff Pascha night. The sub-deacon enlisted one of the parishioners to stay inside the church and answer the knocks with \\"Who is the King of Glory\\", but he misspoke. Our hapless hero dutifully called out three times, \\"Who is the King of God?\\" We kept thinking/hoping he\'d catch his mistake, but he never did. And each time he said it, we laughed harder.
3. A new convert from another parish was sharing with me that he showed up for one of the Lenten services to find that the choir director and all the other choir members were late. Apparently the priest didn\'t notice and started the service. This new convert was totally panicked. He knew he should reply with something but had no idea what. His mind was completely free of any liturgical music. All he could think of was \\"Desperado, why don\'t you come to your senses...\\" Thankfully somebody behind the iconostasis eventually gave him a cue.
4. And from my protestant days: our church bulletin reminded us to make an appointment with the photographer so that we could all be included in the church \\"pectorial directory.\\"
Well when my grandson was three years old and we were in church his mother was conducting the choir and she had a chair pulled up beside her and we were in a very very small shed that was converted into a church, which was right next to the priest home which was theirs and a carport between the house and the church.
now back to the story well I was standing right in front of my grandson all of a sudden I felt something funnie going down my back and the Chior started laughing and he had unzipped my dress. My pore daughter-in-law Mat. did not know what had happen and why the chior was laughing so hard in fact that small church was laughing . I slipped out side and fixed the problem. I still remember it to this day. Believe me I will not stand in front of another small child to this day. At coffee hr. we all had a good laugh.