When this happened to me, after biting my tongue for many months, I could not stay quiet and told the elderly lady that I did not believe the way she did and would never believe way. It is now too uncomfortable to be around her, so I stay away.
As for racial comments, I know that as a white person I must become vocally outraged, immediately and profoundly, or the speaker will think I agree with his disgusting opinions. Then I can calm down and ask if I have mis-understood what he said.
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