My 2 cents...
First pray to God to help you find someone to help you grow in your relationship with Him. He wants you to have a guide more than you do. That being assumed...
I remember hearing that in searching for a spiritual father/father confessor, as a layperson, since monastics are under the spiritual father of the monastery they join, one should find a priest who has Christian qualities they admire and learn from them.
As far as obedience goes, for laity, it can be as simple as a daily prayer rule, which prayers to read, and a fasting rule, what to eat if exceptions are necessary due to illness. But not as detailed as how to invest our money or rearrange the furniture in our homes. The monastic understanding of obedience is MUCH more detailed than those in the world.
As you grow spiritually and maybe move to other cities for various reasons, you might find that you have either outgrown your spiritual father or need someone who is more convenient. i.e. in the same city instead of across the country. Traditionally you should ask permission to be released from your spiritual father in order to find a new one.
You may also find that you have the same Spiritual Father all your life.
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