Fr. Matthew, I\'ve got two of the books you mentioned, so I will definitely look at them. But in general, I do think it can be very harmful for laypeople to attempt to live in obedience to elders like monastics. I am a husband, and my \"obedience\" is in large part to my wife. I do not go to my spiritual father about little things. This is not out of disrespect -- he has explicitly told me that he is not an elder and I am not his disciple, and I am under no obedience to him. He has further said that his counsel is not to be understood as a command but rather as advice from someone who has experience and wisdom. He has made it clear that he is quite fallible and not clairvoyant. This doesn\'t mean I just disregard his advice, but for me to equate him with an elder in the monastic sense would be inappropriate.
I have, in fact, lived under a much more strict obedience to a \"spiritual father\" who turned out to be quite a charlatan. This experience taught me not to put too much faith in any individual. Certainly obedience is vital to our lives as Orthodox Christians, but for those of us in the world, that obedience can be more complex than it might be for someone in a monastic setting. I must humble myself and crucify my will in the context of my relationship with my wife, my child, my employer, my professors, etc. One other thing -- monastic obedience usually involves revelation of thoughts with one\'s elder. For those of us who are married, I believe this kind of intimacy is best practiced within the marriage, between husband and wife.
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