Perhaps someone here can help me with a certain difficulty I have. A lot of times I\'ll be conscious of temptation, will fight temptation, but will give in to temptation and sin. While tempted, I pray and ask for assistance, for some alternative to the sinful thought in my mind. Most of the time, I think of the sinful thought as the means to reduce pain, both physical and inner, if only in the short run. I commit the sin, knowing it is wrong, but feeling powerless to stop. Many times I attempt to pray even in the middle of sinning, and feel hypocritical for it.
In any case, after sinning, I feel miserable. I had just gone to confession for that particular sin, but I commit it again. On the one hand, I feel angry at myself for not being strong enough to resist the sin. On the other hand, I am frustrated with God and the saints because I sense that my prayers were not answered, that even after praying for help, I could not help but sin.
I feel this way, but I know that this is not what the Fathers and the Church teaches. The problem is not with the teachings, but with me. Still, I do not comprehend, and I afterwards feel ashamed for the sin, but not heartfelt repentance. I pray the Jesus Prayer, asking for forgiveness, but with not emotion.
I imagine God angry at me and figure that God will add to my pains as punishment due to my sin. My last priest told me that God is Good, but I\'m having trouble reconciling this with God\'s just punishment of evil-doers.
Your advice is much appreciated.
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