A SHORT INTO AND BREIF SUMMARY OF MY STRUGGLE AND MIRACULOUS EXPERIENCE

The warmest greetings in the Great Lord my beloved brethren in Christ! It is I your sinful brother in the blood of Adam, the 1st man, and judged, as you, I and all other people (living and dead) will be, by the Blood of the 2nd Adam, Jesus Christ Himself, when He returns from Heaven in the same flesh He suffered in and Resurrected Himself in and ascended into Heaven in (which as the Scriptures, signs and Holy prophets and elders say is in our time – very soon)! May the Light, Spirit of Truth and Grace of our forgiving & unconditionally loving Lord, and God, and Only-Begotten (Monogenes) Son-Savior/Messiah, Jesus Christ of Nazareth be with you in these end times! May the All-Holy Comforter always comfort, heal, protect & guide you! Amen! Christ is among us! The article below is only the smallest fraction of crazy things that have occurred in my life. I have encountered a lot more, but I’ll be typing for eons. Here is some of my life experiences and my test. GLORY TO GOD! Thanks to GOD\'S grace, All-Merciful ways, unconditional love; the THEOTOKOS and the Guardian Angel and patron Saint (St. Nektarios) I have been blessed to have, given to me (and every EASTERN ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN) and Baptism/Christmation; and the prayers of the Church Triumphant and Militant... I\'m still here, alive, well and able to tell the stories you are about to witness. Let’s start with my birth. When my parents got married, my mother was a virgin. My mother lost her virginity while trying to conceive a 1st child. My parents tried to have a child for 6 years after getting married, repeatedly. They visited many medical and scientific experts across the province and Greece but nobody could find any problem with the 2 of them, and found it odd that they couldn\'t conceive/procreate. 6 YEARS LATER... My mother bumps into a random old faithful women of the Church. The woman hears my mother’s pain. The women told her to pray to GOD more and to read about St. Nektarios a modern living Saint who does many miracles, and has healed/helped many especially children, women and women who can\'t conceive. My mother had nothing to lose and had a good disposition and faith. She started praying to the Saint with tears and read his hagiography and teachings. One day as she was in her room, awake... St. Nektarios came to her with a cross and told her: \"You will bear a child/son, but you must name him Nektarios. You will do a tama\" Indeed the words of my patron Saint came true, because I was conceived. During the whole pregnancy my father and mother fought a lot. My father is an old school, stubborn, hard headed, villager, manly type of guy who respects his parents who at the time where alive. As you and I know, the popular Hellenic tradition is to pass down the names of your parents to your children. My father’s brothers did so... He also wanted to do so, and definitely didn\'t want to disrespect his father or be disowning and not honoring the tradition. So they fought with diametrically opposed views. Mother wanted: Nektarios Father wanted: Panagiotis For the 9 months no progress/ no resolution. At the end of the pregnancy my mother was in her room again, awake and sober. Again St. Nektarios appeared with a cross looking very lively and said with a stern/bold voice: \"If you don\'t do as we have agreed, you will be punished\"; and then he showed her a vision of my face as a baby with his hand on it, burning my face with smoke around it. She was terrified and was crying non-stop. She related the message to my father, and after a long discussion they came to a decision at my birth. First and Baptismal name Nektarios. Middle name Panagiotis. During this whole time up to my baptism, my parents and I lived on a farm out in Welland woods. (If you don\'t know what Welland is... Welland is a city, population about 50,000, located between Niagara Falls and St. Catherines. It has been statistically proven by many studies and it is officially known and recognized as having the highest alcohol sale per capita in all of North America. Also the highest welfare rate, lowest grades from students in Canada, as well as one of the highest crime rates. It\'s one of the Bikers best cities of choice. It\'s filled with prostitution, stripping, gambling and scandals. It has also had the most drug busts and grow-ops in Ontario. This is the region sicko\'s like Paul Bernardo came from.) My mother later on brought me to St. Nektarios church in the west end of Toronto and did as she promised. She offered me as a tama in the honor of the great Saint. She put me in front of the icon of St. Nektarios and yelled: \"The 1st one to make it to my son gets to baptize him\"... The first person that made it was a young sweet faithful girl, Emily Mouzos, and she ended up being by God-mother. I was born with a problem with my eye and had two serious surgeries (I\'ve had other surguries as an adult elsewhere too - and times not mentioned in the note were I was bad shape in need for medical care - but recovered through prayer, GOD\'S grace, patience, faith and miracles). For some odd reason they tried to conceive a 2nd child immediately. They couldn\'t again. But on the 6th year AGAIN, the conceived Polychronius, whom at the time my mother was a HEAVY DRINKER and pill popping smoker... He was born 7 months and was the first baby EVER to be used in Hamilton Generals new equipment/incubators etc... For these situations. THANK GOD, he made it. I remember he didn\'t even have a butt crack, his eyes were still not formed and his feet were the size of a peanut. As a child growing up I lived in Welland and Toronto. So the Churches I attended at the time were St. Catherine’s in St. Catherine’s... And usually St. Nektarios, Panagia and St. Irene’s (mostly) in Toronto (hence I lived on the Danforth were you seen me during the parade). As a child growing up - up until the teen years had no to little guidance. My parents were abusive t o each other. They also abused me badly. My mother became an alcoholic and heavy smoker. My father became money hungry, glutton, and scandalous. Both of them started losing faith and tradition started slipping. They owned and still own the biggest cocaine/crack bar and hells \"angels\" bikers hang-out in Welland - the Olympia. Their main focus was work and money. I was usually handed over to a drunken woman that was a customer at the bar (usually Joan). She was my babysitter for most my early years, afar from my Toronto early years where I had my very humble grandmother (glory to God). My giagia was abused and raped for her early years badly, by my drunkard and bouzoukia loving blasphemous Grandfather (we see the sin of ancestry being inherited you see). He would come home drunk after gambling and partying and while my grandmother was on her period even, wake her up and force sex on her. As a child, I was never taught orthodoxy. Nobody explained a thing. I was put infont of a TV, video game and secular school and barely saw my parents. We would make it to Church on the big feast days - and even then late. I never seen my parents hug, kiss, say I love you to one another or commune, nor did they or do they still have a spiritual father. But I did see my father abuse my mother, hit, slap, blasphemes the Holy Kingdom ALOT, beat me etc... I also being very observant as a child also found porn a-trax of my fathers when I was 5... I also saw them watching porn when I was about 7, it was a porn with its theme a Papa and the church, a Hellenic one. I was also sexually abused as a child by a drunk at the bar at 5, an aunt during vacation in Hellas at 7, 8, and 9 (in front of and with her son - my 1st cousin). Also my older cousins in Hellas would make me do fornicate and even deficate with my female 1st cousin my age, daughter of the perverted Aunt Helen. I was fornicating and doing androgynous things with male and female friends of mine starting at the age of about 9. While Joan would baby-sit, I would have sexual ideas from all this influence and lack of spiritual father/guidance, so I would mimic what I seen, since I thought it was good. I could state a lot more but I’ll keep things as short as possible. In 1992 approx. we as a family moved to Filiatra, Messinias in Hellas, after my parents built a home. When we moved there things were tough for me at first. I wasn\'t 100% fluent with the language or comfortable with the lifestyle. I was used to the western way. My mother was still drinking and smoking. About 1 year after us living there... My father had a great accident and broke his ankle. He was rushed to Athens, but they asked for way to much money and couldn\'t do as good of a job as here in Canada. He took a plane to Canada. They did many surgeries and put pins in his leg/ankle. Till this day (14 years after) they still care for it and he still has problems with water, leakage, wound opening, blood etc... Thank GOD, the doctors had said that his leg was to be cut off, or he would at least need a wheelchair for the rest of his life. So as a child with a struggling alcoholic pill popping mother in a new country that even my mother was new to (she’s 1st generation Helleno-Canadian), we didn\'t have a father figure for many years (even worse than before in the Welland bar days), because he was now suing Canadian Tire and the ladder company he fell from. For 10 years he always flew back and fourth, to see lawyers, doctors, engineers, judges etc... They also told him he was likely to get cancer. 10 years after having some Italian lawyer and firm from d-town Toronto lying to us all as a family, telling us we will win 100%, not asking for 1 cent upfront and paying for 10 years worth of lawyers, doctors and engineers fees... We lose in court and my father after all the suffering, also had to pay all the fees, total of 300,000 dollars. He fought and got the price brought down. We as a family all worked and took over the Welland bar for a few years and paid it all off a few years ago. While I was in Hellas I grew up fast for my age and experienced thing most old men hadn\'t even experienced in a lifetime, and this scheme in my life has always persisted. At 15 I started smoking cigs, weed. I would hang out with people 2 or 3x my age. I had mafia connections in Hellas. I would also steal my mom\'s Lexotanil pills by the carton; make huge mixed drinks with every type of alcohol you could imagine in it, even ouzo... And pop 5 to 12 pills AT ONCE, at least every week; with drinks, more wine after and a few spliffs. I also got into huffing natural gas, kathari venzini, acid and other things as a youngster in Hellas. One time I o.d\'d. I started doing bad in school. I became rebellious, dark, hooligan anarchist type. I had terrible friends. I became a very sinful fornicating child. I had a girlfriend 26 years old at 16 of my age. I was introduced to tantric sex and kama sutra by her from a young age. I was partying and clubbing everyday. No father, no Church, no spiritual guidance and with a confused, nervous, distraught, mother at the time struggling and recovering from alcoholism (which today she is back into). I was home every other day only for 6-8 hours sleep. One year I even set a forest fire with the son of the police chief, who was my best friend and drug partner. We burned 17 acres of government land on the mountain at the dexameni. If it was windy the whole town and area would have been in danger. It was summer, very dry... People saw us... We turned ourselves in, later that day... Airplanes were needed to put it out. Thanks to our young age, the chief police father of my friend and the fact that we pleaded guilty out of amelia, we were released only with fines. Shortly after, I failed 2era Lykeiou the year after. So as a family we decided that I would move to Canada on my own, live with my grandparents on the Danforth on Toronto, and try to finish school and straighten my life up. So I came back here in 1998. I lived on the Danforth, and started attending school at Wexford at Pharmacy in Lawrence. I got connected very quickly here because of my experience, guts, courage, ego, and wild ways and also I had/have relatives here in Canada who are mafia. I also joined the Latino crips aka El Cito. I quickly became a drug dealer at my school, and slowly moved up to running blocks from Danforth to Ellesemere. I had got into endless gang fights, with guns, knives, bare fists etc... I\'ve nearly died many times and been ambushed by many people and beat. I was a heavy partier, raver, and gang banger. I started going to raves weekly, popping e\'s, crystal, methamphetamine hydroclorai, acid, and cocaine and selling. I did every drug in the book except for crack and heroin. I always had an abundance of the highest grade hydro in the world. One year in the beginning of the year 2000... God gave me one of my first big wake up calls and signs... At the time I lived alone with my grandfather in the Apt’s above Kalyvia (he owns the building). I had a room closer to the stairs on the 3rd floor and his was further down the hall. I fell asleep at about 11:30 after having a cigarette on my bed. I woke up at about 6 (6 hours later) to the sound of explosions and flames. When I opened my eyes I saw flames surrounding my head on the corners of my bed and the dresser. They were quite ferocious. I jumped off, woke up my grandfather and we tried to put it out with water and the extinguisher. We failed, and it started getting worse FAST. We called 911 and evacuated. Before leaving the room, I shut the door without even thinking about it... this saved the building. The ambulance took us to the hospital, where they did tests on our blood and lungs. My grandfather who was down the hall in his room with a closed door had about 5% carbon monoxide in him. I who slept in the smoldering burning room for 6 hours had 0%! The doctors where speechless and looked at me like I\'m a freak. They said I should have been dead in my sleep. They said 99% of the time people die by sleeping with a carbon monoxide filled room... They knew this was the doing of God... After going to my uncles which was Apt.2 in the same building to live until insurance fixed my catastrophe... Investigators and we, found only one thing unharmed in the whole room... It was a cross hanging over my head/bed. This was my payback for the fires I had put in Hellas and Gods mercy. This might also relate to the vision my mother had with the burning - maybe? Although this got me thinking, I didn\'t change. I went through years of poverty, delusion, starvation, unhealthy habits, toxicity and self-inducing wounds. I was very morbid. I actually started getting into the occult and abrsudism. I also lived on the streets for a while. I also stopped talking to every family member of mine for a couple years. I stared getting even crazier after because I literately \"fell\" in love with a violent street girl and unorthodox person who I felt sorry for. I started caring for her and ended up moving out with her. We became partners in crime and even became thieves too. We had a very abusive relationship both verbally and physically. She started beating me and spitting on me and eventually I did to. One time she ripped my baptismal cross off me and threw it, it got lost... I caught her cheating many times but always forgave her... Once I got so depressed I wanted to end my life and tried to hang myself. Thank GOD I was brought to Sunnybrook for a few weeks and snapped out of it GLORY TO GOD. By this time I had also been to jail a few times and had a criminal record... Many stories with her... Anyhow, I ended up having a amazing miraculous gift, a child (Anthony) with her (Aleksandra Marcon) - GLORY TO GOD. I stopped smoking, drinking and getting high during her pregnancy and stopped dealing. I called my gang affiliations quits. I by this time was out of school and also was in jail during 2 months of her pregnancy because I stabbed someone. I started working full time and became a head chef. I stocked up on money and the pregnancy went well thank God. I was slowly building a recording studio; hence I was/am an artist/musician/writer/singer/rapper this whole time and wanted to go independent. During the pregnancy and first year of my son’s life... Knowing that she cheated on me MANY times (she was a massive adulterer), and even with other Hellines, was hard to deal with... Sometimes when she would be in a terrible mood, she would abuse me and say: \"He\'s not your child anyway; you’re not the father and oh am I ever so glad, because you’re a #@!* loser etc...\" I had stopped abusing her back since before the mental institution... So I would cry, go nuts and put up with it... I then starting having doubts and so did my bro and folks who witnessed her saying these things and abusing me. She & I started smoking herbs again. She was a stay at home mom and I was a full time worker, business owner and would take care of him off work; I also had a small recording set up started. Eventually one day while I was working at Casey\'s and we had a house behind Eglinton Town Center, a few days after she threatened to kill herself, while holding Anthony/son in her hands I called 911... She has been diagnosed bi-polar since she was very young (1 reason why I tried to help her since I met her) and it seems like its gotten worse and untreated/ignored. Me having instincts and deep conscience feelings, thought she was cheating and planning things... So when I came home from work one day, some girl was living in my living room for a week, and all her and my sons’ things were packed. 1 week later she got a place with her and I also verified she was cheating AGAIN. She left me with over 2,000 dollars worth of bills to pay and a broken heart. Jus recently the government help me find her. We requested a paternal test, and found out it’s my son. But now she’s playing other games. I haven’t seen him for 6 months, because during PASCHA I was teaching my son about the RESSURECTION, ESSENCE, MEANING and GOSPEL in a simple way – and she started freaking, yelling, calling me names, took the gifts we bought for him and left. Her having custody and being a woman in a Babylonian society, told the courts I’m brainwashing him. Even though it’s a false accusation they must obey her request, so I am going through a program where I now after 6 months of waiting visit him for 3 hours every other weekend in a public Child visitation center, where I get supervised visits and am analyzed by scientists and child care working psychiatrists etc… to see how I interact with my child, when it should really be vice versa. Just another martyrdom and cross for me to bear, glory to GOD. I know I’ll pass with flying colours and so does she; but she just wants to buy more time alone with him so she could tell him not to be like me or listen to me. She is afraid of him learning Christian ethics/morals, Hellenic Culture, Orthodox Tradition etc… and becoming attached to his father, whom he didn’t even know for 3 years of hid life. She is VERY egotistic, selfish, control-freak, MATERIALISTIC, WORLDLY, SECULAR, anti-theist/nihilist anti-Christian and raised polish papist with terrible morals/ethics – very new age (like I said she is also bi-polar). She can’t stand the Orthodox of Hellenic way of life and CHRIST-centered Gospel. But back to the past… For 3 years I hadn\'t seen my son. Nor did I know if he’s 100% biologically mine or not, because while we were together she would ALWAYS dodge and hide from the DNA TEST. From my release of the mental institution till about 1 year ago I was seeking truth and spiritually traveling for my religion. I got into many things from: Scientology, Occult, Neo-paganism, universalism, pantheism, polytheism, futurism, relativism, theosophy, alien/ufo/sci-fi-ism, Buddhism, Hinduism and Islam. I did yoga, believed in reiki and chakras, was very superstitious and encountered many strange demonic and crazy experiences. I was studying and trying to practice and even mix these as a polytheist. Then suddenly for a period of time... No matter what I was doing, anywhere I would turn, look, see, purchase... I WOULD ALWAYS see the sequence 33 either in the time, receipts, tickets, passenger seats, ounces/ml, anything. For some reason I was sub-consciously focused on the number 33. Anytime I would see the time it was 3:33, 3:38, 7:33 etc... And I had no steady program or job hence I had got back into selling pot again, after my financial crisis when my ex left me. For 3 years she was nowhere to be found, and I was left with nothing of his, nothing of what I bought or worked for, especially not him. I started to have an interest grow in me for exposing secret societies, the elite, Zionism and the evil world Babylonian system. I was always a truth seeker and this feeling started to grow BIG TIME. I hit the books. Also being an artist I started to analyze symbols, logos and images. I analyzed media, Hollywood, politics and every secret society you could think of. I found startling facts and cryptic satanic symbolism in every major corporation’s logos and movies even kid’s cartoons. Along with my interest in exposing the evil men of the world and finding the truth out... I started to cross-reference all the religions I was into with each other and with the Bible. Deep inside I never knowingly intended to reject or ignore Christ. I had not an intentional disposition; hence I was not an antitheist. But I was living an anti-Christian unorthodox life, but at the same time I would know deep in my conscience that God, the Archangels and St. Nektarios and Panagia had not let go of me completely. Hence the many miracles I have seen, been through and near death experiences, of which some I haven’t even bothered mentioning because I’ll be typing twice as much. So I starting filtering/weeding out any fallibilities, dogmatic errors, discrepancies, lies, deceptions and would parallel everything to HISTORY, PHILOLOGY and SCIENCE as well as HOLY SCRIPTURE. The more I started getting into this, the more I would be knocking beliefs of mine out the window... Scientology... see ya... Islam... goodbye... Occult... farewell... But I was still a victim of serious heresy... I still mixed buddhism/hinduism with Christianity for a while as what is known as Gnosticism and essenes and Nazarenes... I also was spiritually deluded for a while and though I was the reincarnation of St. Nektarios, hence all the signs, miracles, his demand with my mother and even that in his pictures he has the same eye problem with me on the same eye... I then slowly started getting into new Age of Aquarius theories and indigo children stuff mixed with Christianity. I was very interested in aliens aka Annunaki aka Nephelim... who at the time I didn\'t know where simply fallen angels/demons... I actually though they were beings in flesh from outer space and that maybe they experimented with us in Atlantis or Lemuria. My interest in these things lead my to more intense Bible study, cross-referencing and corrections. I started also getting into conspiracy theories, reptilians, giants, pre-flood era etc... Slowly I started seeing that a lot of it was a hoax and Zionist, Jesuit, CIA, and monad created propaganda. I also had a feeling that aliens are demons in disguise and after reading what the Fathers like Father SERAPHIM ROSE had to say I felt a big burden off my shoulders... I eventually dropped all non\"Christian\" religions out the window because I came to the point where I KNEW 100% from study and in my heart that after years of deep analysis and observation the SELF-EXISTING GOD is the 1 who revealed HIMSELF and the 100% ABSOLUTE TRUTH in the INERRANT HOLY SCRIPTURES. There is no book out there like the HOLY BIBLE. There can be no DIVINE REVELATION/INTERVENTION AND 100% FULFILLED/ACCURATE PROPHECY anywhere else. I started to realize what CHRIST HAD accomplished and began repenting and waking up even more... Now I was struggling between Jehovah\'s Witnesses, Sabbatarianism like Armstrongism \"Church of God\", Messianic Judaism, Protestantism and Orthodoxy. I ended up finding many doctrinal errors and scandals in JW so I dropped that. I did the same with non-sabbatarian Protestantism (which by the way has HEAVILY INFLUENCED OUR CHURCH since the time of CAROLOS whose whole cabinet was PROTESTANT AND SHUT DOWN 400 MONASTERIES). So... what I ended up having a big mental and spiritual tug of war with is: Issues of salvation Church, ecclesiology and tradition Sacraments Eschatology Honoring Saints, Theotokos, Angels Holy Trinity or Dualism Icons Sabbath of SON day worship OLD Testament Jewish feast days and calendar vs. Orthodox Feast days Etc... By this time during the end of 2006 and coming of New Year of 2007, Jessie, Polychronius and I went from fornicating, partying, blaspheming, living reckless, growing and selling pot, egotism, vainglory, pride, lust, getting high/drunk, shaving our heads and faces and caring about our outer.. To a serious repentance and 180 degree change. We cut it all cold turkey by the GRACE OF GOD/HOLY SPIRIT. We started fasting more, praying, studying more and keeping away from passions. It’s truly miraculous how we changed in a matter of days. Especially without the guidance of a Spiritual Father, the presence of any positive environment, for at the time we were surrounded by evil and drugs and isolated ourselves. No support and no Church. However, at this time I was mixing the 2 faiths. I started going to Messianic Jewish Congregations on Saturday and observing their feasts; but at the same time Sonday worship and Church and Eastern Orthodox Christian feasts. Mind you at this time I was STILL a victim of sly heresy, disobedience, no spiritual guidance/father, not a full repentance and ignorant of THE CANONS/RUDDER and TEACHINGS OF CHURCH FATHERS, SAINTS and HOLY SYNODS/ECUMENICAL COUNCILS. GOD helped us during the past LENT, which my brother Polychronius, Jessie the catechumen (and now Grant the youngest brother and catechumen) who found God through us sinners and I my unworthy self, were doing a very strict fast all through (mind you I was a vegan for 2 years also and a vegetarian for 3 more years before that). During the strict fast we one day went to get some lagana bread and halva from Seranos Bakery. While I was at the ttc. PolyChronis seen the Orthodox Christian Fellowship/Brotherhood and Bookstore of ST. APOSTLE PAULS. He went inside and was amazed. He found out that there are weekly homilies in English. Next week we attended and are mind was blown. After attending a Divine Liturgy at St. Nicholaos on Finch, St. Nicholas brought us there, to St. Paul and helped us find \"Nicholas\" aka Nick; a very pious truly faithful, obedient preacher and pro-activist anti-heretical confessor of true patristic Orthodoxy and spiritual child of Geronda Ephraim\'s spiritual child Elder Joseph of \"St. NEKTARIOS\" monastery (see the connection of Saints and names). We told our story to Nicholas and he gave us facts and told us never to go to the Messianic Congregations again. He explained why, forewarned about the dangers and showed us Scriptural proof about SON-DAY, abolishing of the OLD MOSAIC LAW, NEW ISRAEL=CHURCH and that the CHURCH AND FAITH can only be 1 etc... My last visit at \"light of the messiah\" Congregation, I ended up getting into a huge anti-heretical defense and disagreement with them and verbal argument with the \"rabbi\" and we were kicked out. We left there for good while praying and defending Orthodoxy. Since then every week we attend the homilies and we also started attending the homilies at SAINT ATHANASIUS THE GREAT/MEGAS ATHANASIUS Fellowship/Bookstore of whom one of the greatest THEOLOGIANS/CONFESSOR and truly saint of our time \"Nicholaos\" SOTIROPOULOS from Hellas has founded. In a matter of 3 months we had spent over $3,000 on books, tapes, DVD’s, vhs, Icons, incense etc... And we were given almost that much more for free - GLORY TO GOD - These are true Orthodox Missionaries and faithful. They give not ask. They are poor but yet they sell at cost and are non-profit. EVERY PENNY goes to the poor and to the monasteries. Also the fellowships teach true SPIRITUAL PATRISTIC EASTERN ORTHODOX CHRISTIANITY by word, faith and example. Thanks to their homilies, there examples, their prayers, encouragement, support and all the materials we have bought/received... We have been blessed and constantly studying, observing and learning and putting what we know to practice. They also told us about Elder Ephraim’s monasteries, and we have been connected with the monastics ever since and their prayers and example/asceticism benefit us a lot. Without their blessing and existence I don\'t know were I\'d be - probably dead or in prison or insane. GLORY TO GOD! I actually feel like I may (not 100% sure right now) have a calling few years down the road for monasticism, possibly Agio Oros - after I have completed my current tasks and solved some issues out in the world. But PROTA O 8EOS and only if it’s HIS WILL. I have been celibate for about a year now (cut of from self-gratification too), no getting drunk (glass or 2 of wine on a feast day only with meal), I keep every fast including strict raw food fast (no dairy, wine, oil) of WEDNESDAY and FRIDAY (usually I don\'t eat or drink anything on these days as of recently). I have been attending Church every SONDAY and some Vespers and every major FEAST DAY as well as some vigils. I shower 1 or 2 times a week and I don\'t care about my looks, hair, and beard. These things mean nothing to me anymore. I don\'t really use a mirror anymore. This doesn\'t mean I don\'t care about my body/organs-vessel/temple of the HOLY SPIRIT. It means I put spirit and truth over flesh, and I only do whats necessary (minimal) to maintain the outer without going to extremes or being like the world with worldly cares. I haven\'t gone to a party, club or even gone \"out\" for about a year. I have a strict prayer rule and am CONSTANTLY REPENTING, STRUGGLING, STUDYING and living a CHRIST-CENTERED LIFE of OBEDIENCE to my SPIRITUAL FATHER and the CANONS and SCRIPTURE. I\'m always repenting and I go to confession, and hopefully (GODWILLINGLY) I will be allowed to commune after my canon is complete and I am deemed worthy enough. However until then, the fathers say that keeping obedience to the CANON is like partaking in COMMUNION. My main goal is: a) to focus on issues of salvation and save myself... For if you save yourself you save those around you to with your example/prayer. b) Focus on staying this way c) Focus on issues of faith And last andwith due time: d) Defending TRUE ORTHODOXY and exposing heretics, ecumenists, false apostles, prophets, false messiahs, false teachers and battling demons in this spiritual struggle and unseen and seen warfare. e) helping people understand the absolute truth and prepare for the VERY SOON coming anti-Christ and awareness of the false prophet/beast, advocate and main forerunner of the anti-Christ the POPE and his ecumenism/globalism/totalitarianism/one world religion-government-currency-nation which is the PAN-HERESY OF ALL HERESIES. All this I pray for and tend to do through deed, word, prayer, thought and my independent record label and communication center. I have learned ALOT in the past year and read many lives and teachings of SAINTS and ELDERS. Like the Church FATHERS say, someone will graduate THEOLOGY when he/she has studied and lived the HOLY FATHERS - no school, academy or PhD is needed. I\'m not saying going to school is bad/evil, but I\'m saying that to study and know theology a school is not needed, infact THEOLOGY and ORTHODOXY is learned and attained by living an obedient EASTERN ORTHODOX life; being Christ-centered, mimicing CHRIST and the Saints, following each of GOD\'S Commands and Word and not only studying the Teachings of Saints, but living. One can read, but if they don\'t understand and practice what they read and preach; if they don\'t do what the Holy Scriptures and Fathers say, they can\'t become THEOLOGIANS. This is why we have what is called \"Theology with a cigarrete/alcohol/cigar\" today. This is why the majority of todays theologians, clergy and laity are modernists/ecumenists and heretics which claim to read and know the Church Fathers and Canons, but they do and show the opposite with their actions/example - hence this is un-Orthodox and contrary to the Gospel. Some of the greatest THEOLOGIANS were illiterate such as PANAGOPOULOS and ST. SILOUAN, ELDER IAKOVOS TSALIKIS, ELDER PAISIOS etc... Who were poor and totally uneducated in the secular sense (worldly knowledge) - put they have received the highest level of paideia/true education/divine knowledge/wisdom not from a university/school in the world, but by obedience, love, humility, hope, faith and a Sacramental Eastern Orthodox life (ortho-praxis)... And of course even some of CHRIST\'S DISCIPLES were poor fishermen and farmers; illiterate, poor and without secular education. So putting the Churches teaches to practice with focus and daily STUDY and MEDITATION of the HOLY SCRIPTURES, CANONS, HOLY SYNODS, ECCLESIOLOGY, APOLOGETICS AND GENERAL TRUE HISTORY (like History by FR. JOHN ROMANIDES), is what is needed for theology and paideia/education - not a secular teacher, academy, university, diplomas... Panagopoulos and St. Silouan would put to shame most of todays new age so called \"theologians\" that have awards, certificates/diplomas, phd\'s and are honoured by the secularists. We must practice ORTHODOXY and LIVE it in order to be truly ORTHODOX. Anyone can recite a creed or memorize a prayer right? Anyone can do obedience to themselves and the world right? Anyone can read but not understand.. or hear God\'s Word and not do it... So like St. Paul who was a sabbatarian Pharisee legalist against Christ like I was, I repented and changed. I transfigured my inner and transformed my outer. I was also brought to APOSTLE PAULS - crazy eh? How I can relate so much and end up in his hands? Not by chance. Like Fr. Seraphim Rose, ST. MOSES THE BLACK/ETHIOPIAN, ST. MARY THE EGYPTIAN, ST. MATTHEW THE APOSTLE, ST. WOLFMAN TOM aka GOODMAN TOM, ST. AHMED and 1/3 of the Saints who were once criminals, against or ignorant to CHRIST, pagans, occultists, nihilists etc... But they awoke, repented and became enlightened. Does God have a plan for me a sinner? Who like my Spiritual father said: \"Nektarios, you lived a life of total darkness and hell on earth - and I\'m suprised that your who you are today, healthy, alive, able to think, speak, work, smile and have your sanity - because statistically after doing the drugs and things you\'ve done, you should ce clinically veg or insane or locked up, or dead or never the same/damaged...\" & \"TRULY A MIRACLE\"... ONLY GOD KNOWS and only time and my works and faith will tell... Whatever GOD\'S PLAN IS. HIS WILL. HIS PROVIDENCE. Hopefully I can pass the test and find the light and strength needed and struggle. The CHURCH and CHRIST came for the sick and sinners not the perfect. CHRIST leaves the flock to save the one lost sheep aka prodigal son. GOD loves the one who has suffered a lot and changed. Many Saints say more respect is given to he who was born in great sin, lived a hellish life, knew not God\'s Gospel but yet struggled, repented and became HIS servant. To whom much is given much is required. Depending on the light and knowledge God gives us, we are asked to contribute. I wasn\'t familiar or brought up in the CHURCH. On the contrary I was raised by drunken babysitters who even made the mistake to give me wine instead of apple juice a 2 years of age... Raised by the streets and by a TV... Raised by thugs and great sinners... Raised by a secular school-system that says homosexuality and pre-marital sex is normal and abortion is good... BUT FOR ALL MY SUFFERING AND TESTS - GLORY TO GOD. I THANK GOD FOR IT ALL. I APPRECIATE ALL THE DARKNESS IN THE PAST. I THANK GOD THAT THE OLD MAN/SELF IS DEAD AND THE NEW MAN IS BORN AGAIN IN SPIRIT AND TRUTH. I THANK GOD FOR HIS ALL-MERCIFUL GRACIOUS UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING WAYS AND MIRACLES. I THANK GOD FOR CALLING ME BACK AND OFFERING ME THE CHANCE TO BE CHOSEN/ELECT AND SAVED. I THANK GOD FOR EVERY SINGLE DETAIL OF MY LIFE, GOOD AND BAD, AND REJOICE IN ALL MY SUFFERINGS THEN, NOW AND IN THE FUTURE. GODS DIVINE PLAN IS TOO GREAT FOR MY UNWORTHY HUMAN MIND TO COMPREHEND! I PRAY THAT I’LL BE STRONG ENOUGH SOMEDAY TO EVEN BE A MARTYR FOR CHRIST IN THE END TIMES – WE ARE THE LAST GENERATION! I HAVE BEEN PERSECUTED AND SUFFERED NON-STOP AND FOR ALL THIS I SAY GLORY BE TO THE HOLY TRINITY – THANK YOU! The Fathers say are martyrdom of the new age is more psychological and of the heart. The persecution is now on a emotional, mental and sly spiritual level with the help of secularism, nihilism, ecumenism and the media. I WRITE ALL THIS WITH MY LEFT HAND (I HAVE A BROKEN RIGHT HAND/ARM) - GLORY TO GOD! :) I only wrote a few things in my life. Please forgive me a chief sinner. All unending praise-worship-celebration/song-dedication-respect-thanks & glory to the Most Honorable and Magnificent ONE and ONLY ALL-HOLY, SELF-EXISTING & ETERNAL (INFINITE) MOST HIGH ALMIGHTY MAKER/CREATOR OF ALL CREATION, THE SUPER-NATURAL & ALL KNOWING SUPER-INTELLIGENT ARCHITECT/DESIGNER of the Seen and Unseen UNIVERSE, THE HARMONIZER, THE JUST/RIGHTEOUS & PERFECT-LAW GIVING MIRACLE WORKING SUSTAINER/GIVER OF LIFE, THE ONLY SUPREME DEITY, THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH & MYSTIC PROVIDER, THE CONTAINER OF UNCONDITIONAL UNLIMITED DIVINE & PURE EROS/LOVE=LOVE ITSELF, THE ALL-GOOD UNDEFILED OMNIPRESENT, OMNIPOTENT & OMNISCIENT ALL-MERCIFUL MASTER-KING, CONSUBSTANTIAL, AND FOREVER BLESSED/HOLY UNDIVIDED TRINITY (TRIUNE GOD-HEAD / DIVINE TRIADIC HYPOSTASES)! May the Light of Christ illumine you as well & may the Merciful Lord preserve us by His Grace from all nets of the enemy and passionate works, unto the ages of ages. Amen! Through the prayers & intercessions of the Ever-Blessed Most Holy (Panagia) Virgin Mother of God (Theotokos), the Angels and of all the Saints (Holy Fathers, Mothers & Martyrs), Lord Jesus Christ Our God, have mercy on us & save us unworthy sinners & idlers (i being the chief sinner). Amen! Many years! Much joy, courage, patience, hope, faith, love, humility & peace be with you and yours. Forgive me. With Eastern Orthodox Christian faith, gratitude & divine eros forever, sincerely, the chief of sinners in Christ’s unconditional love, Nectarios, the unworthy servant of our God and Lord Jesus Christ.