DC
#0
Dear friends:
Last Night I had an experience so unusual that I wanted to tell it to you all and find your opinion.
Though I am always very devote in my prayers, lately I had been thinking too much about one girl I met here, and I was a little out of focus. Therefore, Yesterday I prayed a lot at home and asked forgiveness to Our Lord for my lack of devotion and attention these Last Days.
At Nioght I was sleeping very placidly, and suddenly a terrific feeling of contrition AWOKE me with a deep sense of being unworthy. It was something so abrupt that my heart almost groaned at this. I had never before felt somthing like that. It was no terryfing, in fact, it was great, but it was so powerful that I knew it wasn?t me!
Usually, I come everyday to the conclussion of my sinful nature and my need for grace after a long meditation about my everyday failures. But this feeling Last Night came like a sudden thunder, like a wind blowing with strenght. It was a conviction of sin incredible, that just woke me up with the strenght of a punch in the chest.
After that I started to pray to the Holy Panagia and to the Lord of Lords, and I began, minutes later, to feel such a joy that I even considered it sinful, in a sinner like me, to feel such a nice feeling in his heart. I had never before felt such a joy, that I just barely could resist. My heart was exultating. I kept praying and praying, and finally I felt asleep again. It was all so unusual.
I didn?t hear or saw anything. It was all in my heart: deep contrition and later a big joy, but it was NOT FROM MYSELF. It was like something being given to me. Supernatural I could say.
I am always very aware against \"plani\" and \"prelest\". I don?t like anything that can be similar to \"mystical experiences\" of any kind. I am only a sinner, just that, and without reaching a real \"amerimnia\" nobody can talk about experiences with the Grace. I ran away from anything resembling Pentecostalism or Catholic mysticism. But when I think about what happened Last Night, I wonder that such a repentance can not come from the Devil. All I could say was \"Lord have mercy on me. Dear Panagia, pray for me\". Nothing of the sort of exalted autosuficient state that we find in \"mystics\" everywhere. Nothing to boast of. Only a feeling of being the worst of sinners but at the same time a really beloved creature, because nothing threatening or scary happened. I felt peace all the time.
Any explanation for this? Any idea?
I feel so bad when I talk about that. because I don?t want to be cheated by Satan, and I don?t want a religion of experiences in my life, but only one based on Truth, Sacraments, sound Doctrine. I don?t even dare to talk about that with my spiritual Father. Who am I to have any kind of visitation of Grace? Has someone had past through something like that in his/her spiritual life in Orthodoxy?
Lord, I am just a sinner. Help me, because I am unworthy of talking about You, being what I am: a sinner. Save me from my own superb heart and cut the vainglory of my soul.
Any comment or idea, I will receive it with pleasure and devotion!
Blessings friends!
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Dia Lamb
#1
Dear friend,
I am certainly not the one to give an opinion of what this was and by whom it was given.
I am glad you area aware of the dangers of plani and are not prone to seek religious experiences.
I think as Orthodox, when we have a basic understanding of who we are and what is going on in this world and develop the awareness of the invisible world, we also develop the \"harmolipi\" feeling (the\"joy-sorrow\" or sorrowfull - joy feeling).
It is good to be sad that we offend God by our sins, and recongnize that without His Grace we have no hope. Also that anything good in us is a gift from Him.
But do not be overly upset of your own sinfullness. Have hope and rejoice in your heart. After you repent for and confess something, let it go, do not hang on to guilt because that too may be a form of pride. (Thinking \"how could I have ever done this or that). However certainly I would encourage you to talk to your Spiritual Father since it is something you are concerned over.
Lay it on him, you do not necessarily need to receive an answer from him as to what exactly this was, but do share it.
The Panaghia with us all!
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DC
#2
Thank you very much Hope.
Yes, I have thought often that the feeling of \"I am THE WORST of sinners\" is just a proud thinking. I never say that. I just consider that I am a mere sinner. Though I consider too that there is no area of my life where I am not imperfect in front of God?s eyes.
Maybe I just will forget the whole thing and won?t tell about that to anybody else. I was a little worried when I wrote this letter, because I don?t want a religion of experiences and sometimes I think that if I start to feel experiences I will be opening the door to Satan, and I don?t want it. But I am sure that is a matter of being aware and keep praying.
Maybe what the Lord was teaching me was precisely what you told: Christian life is not only an overwhelming conscience of sin (I tend to be pessimistic in prayer considering myself) but too joy. I felt a lot of joy, and this is a gift of God.
Thank you Hope. I am grateful to U for your reply!
The Panagia with you!
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SS
#3
I don\'t know what to say. I am a sinner, too. I wouldn\'t say I am less proud than Saint Paul. He said of himself, \"I am the chief of sinners\". But look at all the good things He did. He sacrificed all for Christ. Christ was His every thought? Are any of us today quite like that. While it is not necessary to be or remain unmarried like many or some of the Apostles did, they took little thought for the things people pursue today. Which of us can give up family and friends for Christ. We need each other. But as long as we each of us never put anything above or more important than our love for Christ, all will be okay, as long as God is with us, and gives us all good things in His time. And besides, He gives us free will, so we are not forced to live this way or that. Our choices shape the directions of our lives; however, we literally cannot work our own salvation; that\'s Pelagianism. But to accomplish anything, we must cooperate with God, and with each other. It is a beautiful thing for people to be friends, or for a man and woman who are Christian to marry each other in Christ. And it is an honorable thing to marry. As is the life of the monastics, for those who are given this possibility by the Holy Spirit.
Everything depends on God. If we do not give up, no matter how badly we have sinned, God may still liberate us from our weaknesses and our past sins. The thing is to do better today, and forget about yesterday, once we have confessed sins to God, and to our spiritual father(s), as often as we can.
Take care.
God bless you.
Even in Cuba, there can be freedom if
you have Christ as your Helper and Advocate. God save all of you.
God bless us all.
God bless America.
Always,
Scott
One can\'t outsin the love of God if one truly turns away from all one\'s past sins and begins to ask God: HELP ME GOD! I CAN\"T SAVE MYSELF! SAVE ME, DEAR GOD, FOR THE SAKE OF OUR LORD GOD AND SAVIOUR, JESUS CHRIST, THROUGH THE PRAYERS OF THY MOST PURE MOTHER! AMEN.
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SS
#4
Dear friend, Remember God loves you, no matter how much you have done things that aren\'t good. Remember, the LORD is the only one Who convicts us of sin; He reminds us what we have done so we can come to Him and seek His forgiveness.
He may yet forgive us all: Don\'t give up hope! GOD is a good GOD; He will answer our prayers, in time. If we don\'t give up on Him! For GOD is love.
God bless you and give you peace.
Romans says, \"Therefore there is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.\" As long as we come to Christ Jesus, we will escape condemnation. We need to therefore \"work out our salvation in Christ with fear and trembling\". And in the perfect love of Christ which casts out fear.
God have mercy on Cuba, and awaken Senor Castro to his need of mercy. Let justice and freedom come to the people of Cuba.
Always,
Scott
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EC
#5
We are all unworthy. The feeling of guilt and unworthiness is one of Satan\'s most dirty tricks. Ever notice that the priest prays for the forgiveness of the congregation because of his unworthiness? As long as we acknowledge our faults and ask forgiveness we are brought into God\'s grace.
Don\'t forget the true meaning of the word \"paraklitos\" in reference to the Holy Spirit. In most translations it is rendered as \"advocate\", \"comforter\", or \"paraclete\". While it means advocate or comforter, it has a deeper meaning. Just as the word \"Satan\" means \"accuser\" , in ancient Greece, a \"paraklitos\" was your defense attorney in court! So don\'t forget, if Satan puts the idea in your head that you can never measure up, remember the Jesus Prayer and that the Holy Spirit is your defense before the throne of the Almighty God!
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Seraphima unworthy
#7
Hi Cuban, have you red The Way of a Pilgrim? I think there\'s pretty much for you to concern, like, sweet sorrow and joy in the heart, self-acting prayer etc. Offcourse I too cannot say what was it that you\'ve experienced, but personally I saw many paralels between what you said and what the pilgrim tells in his story.
May the Lord strengthen you and save you!
Christ is in our middest!
Best wishes from Georgia (not in USA)
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NM
#6
xenspirit wrote:
Please tell your spiritual father about this. It is important that you do,and don't start censoring yourself with him. If you feel something not right, then go to a trusted elder and find direction that way, and pray about this. I try and follow this no matter what, even if I'm not feeling peace with my spiritual father, because I feel that Jesus Christ is ultimately who I am confessing to, and baring my soul to, which He already knows. Hope is right, and this is profound. You must discuss this with your spiritual father.
Quoted for emphasis. Also, I don\'t know that trying to analyze everything and make sense of it all is a good idea. I\'d cross myself and dismiss it. I really would let it go but thats for your Spiritual Father to tell you not me. You might be making yourself a little anxious, kind of working yourself up a bit I suppose. Take a deep breath, you\'re fine I think.
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LL
#8
A Psalm says \"the better sacrifice for Him is a repented heart\". Maybe God wanted you to know that when you repent sincerely, then His forgiveness and Love are there to comfort you and give you inner peace.
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