Appropriate Orthodox responses

A ZEALOUS MAN never achieves peace of mind. But he who is a stranger to peace is a stranger to joy. If, as it is said, peace of mind is perfect health, and zeal is opposed to peace, then the man who has a wrong zeal is ill with a grievous disease. Though you presume, a man, to send forth your zeal against the infirmities of other men, you have expelled the health of your own soul; be assiduous, rather, in labouring for your own soul\'s health. If you wish to heal the infirm, know that the sick are in greater need of loving care than of rebuke. Therefore, although you do not help others, you expend labour to bring grievous illness upon yourself. Zeal is not reckoned among men to be a form of wisdom, but as one of the illnesses of the soul, namely narrow-mindedness and deep ignorance. The beginning of divine wisdom is clemency and gentleness, which arise from greatness of soul and the bearing of the infirmities of men. For, he says, \'Let the strong bear the infirmities of the weak\', and \'Restore him that has fallen in the spirit of meekness.\' The Apostle numbers peace and patience among the fruits of the Spirit. st Isaac the Syrian

Being laidback is not the same as being lukewarm. Sometimes it\'s just polite. In discussion with other Christians, it is important not to be pushy because it alienates people and prevents them from being willing to listen to what you have to say. You have to take a cue from St. Innocent of Alaska, a very great missionary, and LISTEN to others first and build their confidence in you before you try to tell them anything. He waited years, just listening and learning to understand the native people he had come to convert, sharing spiritual understanding and finding places from which to begin loving, respectful discussions. Think how you would react if, say, a Sevent-Day Adventist were to talk to you about her faith in the same way you talk to others about Orthodoxy. I am often very embarrassed by the behavior of recent converts who act and speak in ways that will alienate, rather than attract, non-Orthodox. It\'s more or less universal behavior, common to new converts to any religion, but it doesn\'t help. Never argue. Always respect the sincerity of the beliefs of others. Only say \\"My religion\'s understanding of [whatever] is....\\" Respect boundaries. The truth is there. Answer questions respectfully but do not push your beliefs on others. Pray for others and let the Holy Spirit do its work.

I remember reading somewhere an Abbott saying to his new novice, \\"Work on your inner self first, learn how to be obedient, to love and not judge your brother in anyway, before you try and teach anyone else.\\" How can we teach others if we have not learned first how to control our own passions of anger, judgement, pride, lust, sloth and avarice? How can we lead others hearts if we have not tamed our own first? How can we teach others to love God and neighbor, when we can\'t do that ourselves? Once we have done that much we might be as Saint Seraphim of Sarov who said, \\"\\"Acquire a peaceful spirit, and around you thousands will be saved.\\" Just because some Orthodox may not be outspoken about the faith, does not mean that they are are lukewarm. Others may be outspoken but may be lukewarm in their hearts. Only God knows. As Maria so nicely put it, you can let people know about your faith without seeming pushy. (I like leading them to other more knowledgeable people in general!) Many people will come to you when they see that you are changing and becoming more peaceful and loving. They will be like moths to a flame!

My friend, who is a cradle Orthodox, was often asked about the Church in her office. She answered questions whenever she was able but tried to avoid any debate. As most of the people in her office ate at their desks, people always noticed when she was fasting (we live in a state in the US where any kind of vegetarian eating would have been noticed and commented on). She never argued with any of her coworkers, but always invited them to church if they had questions or offered to loan them books, etc. When she announced that she was leaving that workplace to come and work in my office, everyone came by to wish her well. A hardened atheist, who had often joined in any religious discussions going on with insults and jokes, came to say good bye. He told her that if he were going to become Christian, he wanted to be the kind that she was. He said he\'d been watching her for slip ups and signs of falseness and hypocrisy for the three years they worked together so that he could know that she was just as bad as the other Christians. However, she had never given him a reason to make fun of her faith. She never tried to force her faith on others or preach or criticize. She just lived the way an Orthodox Christian should. He said that he wasn\'t yet convinced of anything, but he knew that he\'d be Orthodox if he ever became Christian. Then he asked her to pray for him. I hope that I\'ll be able to be that kind of example for people (although I think it\'s more likely that I\'d be an example of what not to do). It seems to me that that sort of example can soften the hearts of people faster and more completely than any brilliant argument.

Great quotes, Misha. It felt like it was written just to remind ME. Great story, ktemple. I also want to be a Christian like that.

This is sort of off the point, but I want to thank you all for this discussion. I have a cousin who was totally shunned by the rest of the family because he had become a member of some kind of offbeat Protestant offshoot (Watchman Nee\'s group, if that means anything to any of you - and it doesn\'t mean a lot to me) and was behaving in ways I now see and dislike in some recent converts to Eastern Orthodoxy. We cousins found him once and invited him to a family reunion. He came, but we were all wary of him. And the rest of us lost touch again. This discussion reminded me that I need to love him and to connect with him. Our fathers had been very close when they were alive. All of the cousins are now between our mid-sixties and our late eighties, so there\'s not much time left to heal this. This discussion set me to thinking about the \\"religious outsider\\" cousin. Day before yesterday I started looking and found him immediately; we have been exchanging e-mails and pictures. Unfortunately, the cousin I am closest to is already too much in the grip of dementia to be able to enjoy this. A lot of years have been lost, and all because of someone\'s new-convert behavior and the way the rest of us reacted to it. Dear Orthodox Christians, please don\'t alienate others! There is too much to be lost.

For me it is very hard, to remain calm, with peace in me, and to behave with love, when I hear things from people, who are theologically so uneducated but think they know, what about they speak. I just met my nearest friends, who came back from the funeral service from their mother. He, C., got into raptures about the protestant pastor (an old friend of their family), who did this farewell service, as it was called. He said: He is a deaply really pious man with a very free theological spirit. When he celebrates the Communion he not uses the term \\"The body of Christ ...\\", but a more historical (correct) term... An old tradition ... It became apparent, that it was a term that denied the bodily presence of Christ in this meal. I felt, how I became aggressive. He than began to speak about the church, that always tried to frighten people. Fortunately she, then, I., steered our talk in another direction. A little later he told me, that I. gave the undertaker a coin to put in the urn with the ashes of their mother. For the ferryman ... And she is a member of the (protest.)church council, also a member of the church synod. She then said, she would never had told me that, because I would consider this pagan. Then they said: Do you know? maybe, there is a ferryman. maybe also a ferryman to heaven? They said this with tong in cheek, but ment it seriously. We then agreed, to close this conversation. In such situations I feel so at loss and it is so sad, that I can\'t stay calm and peaceful and can\'t answer with love. I feel defeated and I guess, they feel as someone who know it better with the modern science on their side. They are enlightend and I am ... don\'t know what. This protestant ingnorance/arrogance annoys me. O please, God, have mercy with me! Jannis